Symbols, Shame, and A Number of Reasons that Billy Idol is Wrong
Like many men, I have very little in the way of jewelry, and what I do have does not change very often. For nearly thirteen years, I've worn the same necklace, a small silver chain with a scarab pendant, a gift from my parents when I was in Washington, D.C. for some high school contest or another. They'd picked it up while visiting the Smithsonian, knowing that I had a fondness for Egyptian mythology. To a certain extent, I wear it because it reminds me of them.
On the other hand, I was also mindful of the symbolic meaning of the scarab: while the specifics vary a bit from report to report, the stone is associated with protection, life, and rebirth (through its association with Ra). I wouldn't have worn it if I thought that either it meant something I disagreed with, or that believers around me would find it disturbing.
I mention this by way of Irishlaw and PG's discussion of a New York Times article about a trend among pregnant women to have white weddings.
Irishlaw approves of the marriages but wants the brides to show a little shame:
Pregnancy, if it has to happen outside of marriage, is a pretty good (and certainly age-old) impetus for marriage, and I do think the profiled women's desire for marriage (for their own sake and their children's) is a good one. It's just the brazenness here that's interesting . . . it seems like there ought to be a little embarrassment, instead of the sin verguenza attitude on display.
On the other hand, PG seems to approve of the "brazenness" and yet wonder about the marriage:
Still, I don't see a reason to be embarrassed about pregnancy in any situation. A woman without ring or boyfriend should be proud of having the courage to complete her pregnancy alone. If, as IL thinks, pregnancy is a good reason to get married, then the pregnant brides should be proud of choosing marriage.
. . . .
Saying that pregnant women and other nonvirgins shouldn't wear white dresses ignores the extent to which Western wedding traditions are valued more for aesthetics, and as traditions, than for their symbolisms' actual correspondence to reality. . . .
. . . .
If you already were planning to get married and your plans just get more urgent due to a pregnancy, that's fine, but I'm disturbed by the idea that pregnancy is a good impetus for marriage by itself. The first year of marriage can be difficult enough without the stress of an infant, and getting married when you otherwise wouldn't have, just because of a broken condom or missed pill or total indifference to the possibility of conception, seems like courting divorce.
A bachelor myself, perhaps it's ill-advised to get involved in a discussion between two women as to wedding dresses. My impression was always that if fortune showed such obscure humor as to make me a primary partner in such an arrangement, I need only make sure I could still fit into my tux. Nevertheless, the trend towards pregnant weddings, as part of the general devaluation of the white dress as a symbol, fills me with considerable unease.
There's a sort of mini-industry attempting to deny the obvious: that white has been used as a symbol of ritual purity in our society. Take, for instance, the invaluable Snopes, which holds that white was actually a matter of aristocracy, and has only symbolized virginity "recently" (where recently is described as a mere hundred or so years). Which is all very well: the white wedding may "only" date from the Victorian era, and may not have meant virginity before then. It remains a tradition. Now if the NYT had stated that these brides were attempting to redefine the tradition---"I'm wearing white because it symbolizes [insert here]"---I might think twice. But there's no sign in the article that they considered anything but the fact that it looks nice.
Whatever the "aesthetics" of a traditional western-style wedding, its symbolic elements still mean something to at least some people. I'm not sure I agree with Irishlaw that any pregnant bride should feel shame for not marrying as a virgin. Nevertheless, I think there should be at least trepidation, about stepping upon such traditions. Take one bride:
But for brides like Ms. Pampillonia, however, etiquette was not on top of the priority list. "Marriage is supposed to be a symbol of love and unity, and a child brings you more love and unity," she explained.
A wedding is not supposed to be a symbol of love and unity: it's an oath, a ceremony, a statement that goes far beyond the symbolic. If a wedding were a mere symbol, if it changed nothing, it would be close to valueless. On the other hand, the elements of a wedding ceremony have symbolic meaning in their own right. This is true in every culture, from the tsunokakushi of Japanese brides (a hat meant to hide horns of jealousy at the eventual infidelity of her husband) to the white dress of the western ceremony which symbolizes sexual purity.
While Irishlaw seems to project her disapproval of premarital sex upon the brides, I take less issue with this than PG's relegation of the symbolic to a mere "aesthetic." Symbols mean something, evoke something, and the devaluing of them may allow a bride to "have it all," but it shows a fundamental lack of respect for the "all" so desired. No matter how much I may think a dog collar looks good on me, I've never adopted the clothing of a priest: I shouldn't wear one. The robes for those who have earned a doctorate at Oxford look far nicer than the ones I'm entitled to wear on formal occasions: nevertheless, not having earned the right to wear them, if I have any consideration for the institution at all, I'll stick to my proper uniform. Legally, I doubt anyone could stop me from wearing either, of course, so long as I didn't actually exaggerate my academic or ecclesiastical qualifications. Nevertheless, to do so would be tacky.
(White-covered pregnancies also seem somewhat disrespectful to those women who have managed the very difficult task of maintaining their chastity until marriage. A bride who for whatever reason has cared enough to remain chaste until marriage should have a symbol of her principles that has not been devalued, no less than the professor or the priest.)
There's an argument that brides these days are attempting to redefine the meaning of the white dress, to return it to a more roman symbol of joy, perhaps, or perhap even to a Jewish conception of renewed virtue. [1] But certainly the NYT article gives no hint that these women were consciously replacing one symbolic meaning for another. I have less problem with a change of symbolic meaning, but in merely watering it down, reducing the symbolic to the aesthetic, something special is lost.
[1]: I'm not sure how authoritative this is, but while discussing/researching this, I ran across the following:
Ironically, while the white gown has come to symbolize bridal virginity in Christian culture, in the Jewish tradition the gown denotes something quite different-- that no matter how sexually active a bride may have been before marriage, the wedding purifies her. White is worn as a symbol of the purity conferred upon her by the wedding.
Anyone who can confirm/deny this is welcome to comment.
Comments
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