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Paris Hilton Sex Video (Shameless Google Plug)

OK, I'm going to admit that I'm so far behind the times that when I saw a headline titled "Paris Hilton Sex Romp" I thought... well, yeah, someone had sex at the Hilton in Paris. So what?

I've been corrected. It appears that Paris Hilton is a person who has been videotaped in flagrante. I clarify just in case I'm not the last person on earth to have heard of this. And you can, I'm assured, download the video from the internet.

It struck me that, despite my years of internet knowledge, my professional qualifications, etc., I have no idea how to download the Paris Hilton sex videotape. Frank Rich of the New York Times can do it, and he's a mere reporter. So how can I not manage it?

Google is no help, though a quick google search does suggest that the porn industry is keeping up to date, and that Ms. Hilton ought to sue for royalties from Network Solutions. After all, I doubt she owns http://paris-hilton-sex-tape.com, http://download-paris-hilton-tape.com, http://whatyouhaventdownloadedthetapeyet.com, or any of the other silly things that pop up.

I'm betting if I had Kazaa or something like that, I'd have no problem finding copies of the video, but I don't like the flagrant security holes Kazaa opens up in your machine. And I'm certain I could probably ask around and find someone to burn it to CD for me, but that's horribly low-tech.

Somehow, this makes me feel very old. I'll be the first to admit that as a child of the late 80's, one of the reasons young boys got into the internet was that... well, look, if you knew where to find it, free porn. Of course, there were other reasons to master the intricacies of TELNET, to figure the obscure syntax of FTP, and (here I'm really showing my age) surf between the shoals of WWIV boards. But it was probably the promise of the forbidden and, yes, illegal imagery that inspired the vast majority of pre-web teen explorers to brave low-bandwidth, slow modems, and unreliable information out on the not-yet-so-superhighway.

Now, of course, it's much easier: Google and the Web have made FINGER irrelevant and sent GOPHER back into its hole. I'm sure I could find porn on the internet without much trouble, especially now that I'm old enough to have a credit card. But I don't know how to stop the thousand of pop-up ads from invading my screen. I'm too timid to brave the World Wide Bordello for fear of picking up some spyware or ad-server. For that matter, I'd be worried that the Columbia systems administrators would send me a nasty note asking just exactly what I was doing with their precious bandwidth. In short, I'm too old to find the Paris Hilton sex video, and that, more than any disappointment at not seeing the esteemed heiress unadorned by jewelry, cuts me deeply.

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Comments

There's also the fact that she looks kind of skanky in the ads for her upcoming reality TV series, "The Simple Life."
You're really sad; have someone email it you, as the entire populace of NY has it on their computers. Or, if you like your sex tapes as books, there's a transcript available at: http://www.danm.us/blog/archives/001086.html I remember learning WAIS and using Gopher and usenet and all that jazz... those were the days.
Ok, so you mention FINGER, FTP, GOPHER, TELNET, etc.. and yet you forget IRC, which before Kazaa was the file swapping haven of the Internet. Download a copy of MIRC and I am sure you will be DCCing your way to Paris sex romps in no time. And it will be old school all the way.
Hi, Josh: I didn't forget IRC. IRC came pretty much after I got into college, and I didn't do so much online stuff at that point. Sorry, but IRC isn't 'old school' to me. Now TALK, that was old school...
Several links to the aforementioned tape through here: http://www.fleshbot.com/archives/010116.php
That's OK. I'm not really looking. It does confirm what I thought, though: if one really wanted to get something like that, a P2P program is probably the best bet. (Bittorrent is what the link above mentions.) And I've been fairly consistent about never installing a P2P program. I guess I'm just doomed to be behind the digital times...
C'mon, you're older than me? I remember IRC'ing in '89, and it had been around for about a year, at least. OB old internet badge... Having to talk to someone using userid@ipaddress for two weeks, because it took that long for DNS to propogate address names.
God, the nostalgia. You're right, a very old form of IRC does seem to have been around back then. I still mostly used talk clients, though...
No worries, Anthony, *I'm* the last person to realize that Paris Hilton is a person. ;)
If Prof. Yin thinks Hilton looks kind of skanky in the ads for The Simple Life, the sex tape is well off the high end of the skankometer...
go to dayudie.com to download it for free
Greetings, Google does a great job.. ya just type in "paris hilton sex no ads" First link is a real one on the page.. no ads.. no crap.. I got Uber fustrated at the pop ups, and endless loops.. thouse goobers should be shot.. free my sweet *ss! but this one worked.. Hope it helps. Oh and MIRC, IRC and Telnet still rock, for thouse of us oldies but goodies techno geeks. Gwyn, The cute redheaded techno geek gal.
Check out some pics with Paris Hilton http://franklinavenue.buzznet.com/user/?id=29230
blue plastic coffee
i bought it from www.fullhiltonvideo.com , cheapest on the net!
hi.....i like pie
I enjoyed the porno and await more videos!
I enjoyed the porno and await more videos!
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